The Gospel According To El Jefe

The Gospel According To El Jefe

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The Gospel According To El Jefe

Congratulations young lad, you have made it to high school. This is
the most crucial point in your life where you begin to learn about
different people, cultures, and philosophies and maybe make new
friends, learn a new subject, or become extremely popular among
your peers.
It all sounds awesome, doesn’t it?
But there’s just one problem. These life-changing moments are
the exception, not the norm. For the most part, you’ll be having
to deal with asshole bullies, tyrannical teachers, and plain stupid
motherfuckers.
So, what do you do when you come in contact with these people?
You go to your parents for advice, right? They’ve been helpful before,
what could change now? Turns out a lot could change. Because,
now they’re so bloody used to your “high school drama” that they
tell you to just “ignore it”. But the truth is that you can’t. It’s damn
near impossible.
So, now you’re lost without any idea of where or whom to go to. All
of your friends are new to this so they don’t know what to do either.
In this case, who do you go to?
For me, there were four people who helped me: George Carlin;
Lily Orchard; Penn Jillette; and Jim Cornette. These Gods and
Goddesses used their foul-mouthed, anti-bullshit philosophy to
help me become a better human being.
In turn, now at the end of my senior year, I’m here to help you
become better humans.
Before you continue, I have a few notes of caution:
1. As you read along, you’re going to be told that “you’re wrong”.
Not once, not twice or thrice but numerous times. If you can’t
stand that, fine. Fuck off for all I care, this isn’t for you. But for
those who are willing to open their minds and get better,
congratulations. You’ve taken your first step and I’m very proud
of you.
2. Just like the “big four” listed above, I am very foul-
mouthed. If that makes you uncomfortable, you
have my permission to stop reading. Don’t worry, I
won’t judge you. Meanwhile, for the ones who are still here,
“FuckShitPussyAssMotherfuckerDamnBitchBitchDamnMother-
fuckerAssPussyShitFuck”. Sorry, I had to make
sure you could handle it.
3. We’re going to be talking about heavy subjects like Abortion,
drugs, homosexuality, and politics (topics that aren’t always
mutually exclusive). Sure, we’ll also talk about high school
crap like prom and cafeteria food. But for the most part, we’ll
be dealing with real stuffs. If you don’t like talking about them
and want to live in your perfect little bubble, go away. I don’t
even want your close-mindedness near these pages. The goal
of this book is to open your mind so that you can think more
critically and, hopefully, change the world.
Now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way, let’s stop dawdling
and get to work.